Ever had any day in your life when ‘everything’ was enacted according to your own decisions; when there wasn’t even a single thing that had the nerve to go out of your judgments and align itself to alienist thoughts and provocations. Well, the answer to it should not be an intricate one; I mean, as per me, I would definitely come out in the open and say “I rule my own life. Doesn’t that really explain it all?”
But alright, there isn’t everything that I own being handled according to my own judgments. Or to say, every soul among the populace in fact decides to live their life on their own terms; but does it really happen. You dream to have the most perfect of the structures (once again, being dominated – appreciated and cursed upon – by no one else but you yourself!) and the scintillating of the sequence of inhibitions all stacked up for the next day, or for the next couple of days; or for some people who just adore making plans, I’ll take the count to the next 5 or 10 years of their life – but looking back, (at least I) tend to think was the life I had been living all this while really mine? Am I really justified in saying that I did not let any one else imperialize my hub.
So waking up everyday at 7 am, and then ramming off to the university at 9 am, making sure the attendance to all the subjects is filed in with a count of at least 75% (some attendance criteria as followed in majority of the universities and colleges). Alright, probably that is what the regulars scream in for; and that is something what a ‘student’ is prescribed to do. But on the other note, seeking it from the play that the psychology of a student is exercising, it’s not just about the ‘regulars’, is it? Annoyance, vexation, frustration are surely bound to spill off the threshold… Amid all this, surely you aren’t following your own judgments.
Apparently, it’s a pair of handcuffs that you have been tied to forcefully, and it is either the chicken within you that brings itself to life or probably something else, but you opt to follow the tracks that have been directed by those pair of handcuffs. Or to say, it’s like the most bitter of the tonics that you had to gulp in (seemingly because of a disease that you have been struck with, and there is no superficial alternative!).
It’s been a couple of days since I caught up with “Mithya”, a Hindi flick based on a gangster; but I will not be having a detailed criticism of the movie, and neither do I plan to. One thing that my memory could extract from the entire 2 hours that I was inside the theatre was just one dialogue; that went on like “should we live our lives according to our respect fates? Let it be fate to actually decide where we should head to? Forgetting emotions, purchasing nothing but numbness to all the sentiments and just keep on doing what your probable destiny has in store for you? Or kill yourself; not because that is what the cowards vote for; but because that will probably be the only thing that will taste the blood of your decisions.”
I have no clue if I’m right in believing that one particular segment, but it absolutely makes sense. Surely a suicide would mean that you preferred to strip yourself from the scintillating (or the traumatizing) of the incidents that might have been waiting outside, finding the doorbell; and definitely something to be argued upon. However, if just we take it in a disordered manner (that actually seems to make sense once the order has been fixed), it is in fact one exercising that will have YOUR rulings, YOUR verdicts painted all over it.
So, isn’t that a drop of justification, and telling the world that your life was actually yours? It is not pivotal to follow what the conventionalities call in for, or what the society and the populace believes in, but its all about the way treat your life; whether you behead it yourself, or let the ‘others’ (and by others, I mean everything outside that one soul screaming to be liberated, the blood forcing itself to rip through the veins of agony and suffering).